Hello

Hello, I am new to the world of blogging so bear with me if its a bit rusty. I have created a blog as a form of release, ranting and sharing. I make no apologies if my views may offend people, after all we are all different, opinions are good and make for interesting debates. Also its my blog for me to write what I like.
As you have guessed I am a mother but to a lovely little girl who will be 2 in May. Oh how that's gone so quick! I also work up to 40 hours a week as a team leader working with children with severe learning and physical needs. On top of that I also do all the cooking, cleaning (my other half will argue its not clean, but i don't have ocd and i also am not the only one who lives there so he either helps or keeps quiet) Basically my work is never done, and somewhere in all of this I try to be me. Some may argue that all I do is me but i beg to differ, yes I am a mum, yes I chose to be a mum but at the same time I did not chose to stop being me and I am entitled to have my own life also. However i do not go out drinking every weekend and most nights I am at home due to my other half being a football nut who plays loads (and loads is an understatement!!) so my social life must be meticulously around my daughter and my fiance. I also need to make sure key people are available ie childminder, my mother and my fiance's mother. Then once this is done said night needs to be organized and money saved. As you can see even a night out is a military operation in itself!! Even as i write this my daughter is refusing to sleep and is manically climbing all over the lounge so then i lose my train of thought and i was adamant that I was about to write something fascinating and wonderful while at the same time being incredibly witty as all good blogs should be.
My first topic i would like to discus on my first ever blog (hold applause) is being a mum and working. Many mums may feel guilt at working, it is a strange feeling. When I had my daughter she was so precious and I couldn't keep my eyes off her. At the same time I missed the social of work, the adult conversation the feeling of accomplishing something and being recognized for my achievements and also when talking knowing I know what I am talking about and doing. Don't get me wrong being a mum is a great accomplishment and i do achieve so much on a daily basis at home be it getting to the bottom of the washing pile or getting through the day without a temper tantrum, but as a mum I don't always know what I am talking about, I mean I know whats best for my child but another child is different. When you become a mum you also enter into this strange other dimension where every decision and choice you make must be questioned and you are made to feel guilty in the eyes of the media/other mums/the older generation. Everything you do is not quiet right ie Breast is best, giving your baby powder is very wrong. Ok then so I'm supposed to have my baby permanently attached to my already sore and cracking nipples sobbing my eyes out and having no sleep there for rendering me useless to said baby and family?! I tried and bottle was better she settled and I was me again. Yes motherhood is a whole different ball game and during pregnancy I really think they should set up some military type training for this!!!
While at home I loved my daughter, my fiance earns good money there was no need for me to go back to work, but yet it was their niggling at the back of my head. At some point I would need to go back to work, I had completed my NVQ 3 while at work, there was a reason for it, for me to aim higher to be a role model for my daughter and also I still have dreams just like I did before I had my daughter. So at 6 months I went back to work, it was only for 2 12 hour days a week but the feeling was amazing! I don't feel guilty in saying this but it felt good to be around adults again. Although I had met other mums while on maternity leave I found I didn't quiet fit, alot of groups I went to I felt different, they all seemed so worldly and frumpy with a baby hanging off each boob and butterfly and birds fluttering around. Don't get me wrong lovely ladies but i found I didn't click as well, they already had well formed groups and the PND didn't really help my confidence. I contemplated going to a young mums group for 16-25 year olds but I chose not too as I felt it would be the other end of the scale where I would be the oldest and they would see me as frumpy etc.
So back to work for me! I found I could be me rather than mum or fiance. It was nice to have a different purpose and for people to talk to me about me rather than my daughter. I made sound selfish to some, but to others you will know exactly where I am coming from. Sometimes its hard as sometimes you are told at work you need to be more flexible etc and you can sometimes feel inadequate. But also when I'm at work I have to organize my daughter, my mum, my fiances mum, my fiance and the childminder as well as organizing myself. I find I am probably a better mum for working as my time with my daughter is always spent doing something be it gymnastics or swimming or meeting up with my mum friends. I feel personally for me if I was at home full time I wouldn't be pro active and probably wouldn't have the quality time that I do with my daughter. i think everyone views motherhood differently and different things work for different people. The reason for my blog page is for me to have the freedom to share my experiences and views and in return to see other peoples views and hopefully say what other mums may feel they cant say or may be the only one saying it. Thank you for reading my first blog post and I hope to see you coming back again for the next installment :)